I cannot imagine the loss you suffered or struggling to help yourself and your family heal. But, oh my… you are so full of "higher power." The higher power is love. Whether you call it "God" who is love, or just connect spiritually in love to others, you are walking in that higher power of love from everything I just read.

I don't know if it will help; but maybe if you try to hear all those references to God and/or a higher power as "love" it will help you better connect to the healing you're looking for in those recovery processes.