I don't think you erred so much as focused on one instance that seemed unjust to you – full disclosure: it sounds unjust to me as well. IME, there really are few things that justify completely severing ties with kin. I struggled with the narcissistic oppression of my mother all of my life. And, I grew up around the open bigotry and white-identity attitudes of my fundamentalist American evangelical kin. I never normalized their bigotry, but they were still blood; in my adulthood, I felt I owed at least the blood-loyalty of being my "family."

Then they defended internment camps for Middle Easterners to me, in front of my Persian husband and our son. Then, my mother saw a video my son put up of himself copying a bit by Bo Burnham where he pulled his t-shirt over his head like a hood; my mother called to frantically tell me my husband's family was "radicalizing" her grandson – my son doesn't speak Farsi and my husband's family don't speak English. He has literally never spoken to them; he's never done more than stand next to his father and wave at them on the computer screen.

Then, my mother and two of my sisters turned on my son while I sat at my other sister's deathbed. They heard him listening to music in a foreign language on his phone and forced to delete the recording of "that terrorist music." All the micro aggressions and cut, plus such blatantly and cruel racist incidents like this made my son hate them. I tried to raise him in love, teaching love for everyone – they taught him to hate.

No more "family" – they are kin, but not family. My family is my husband and son, and the circle of friends, truly amazing human beings with whom I created a new family… my chosen family.

"That terrorist music" BTW, was a soundtrack from a Japanese cat cartoon called Sagwa.