I feel pretty qualified to say that after 31 years of wedded bliss: While I agree you need to be friends with the person with whom you intertwine your life, I disagree that the person must be your best friend. In fact, I believe it is imperative to have a best friend outside our partner relationships. We cannot put all of who we are and the human connections we need on the shoulders of one person. Nor should we expect that from them. We need wider connection than that. And, I'm sorry, but there are just some needs my husband as man cannot meet for me as a woman – and likewise that I as a woman cannot meet for him as a man. We're not supposed to lose ourselves in our partners.

My best friend for 45 years has been the woman who is godmother to my son. My husband's best friend since his childhood is a fellow immigrant who grew up in the same town and whose family was close to my husband's family (and, who is also godfather to our son). I know there are things he dicusses with and says to his friend that he doesn't fully share with me; just as there are similar things between me and my best friend.

Also, as deeply as we are devoted to each other, we both sometimes need to complain about the other to someone whom we may trust to comiserate – but also someone whom we may trust absolutely never to betray our confidence.

I truly believe that our best friends outside our relationship helps my husband and I to be better together.