I would not go back because my now is everything and more than I ever hoped or thought I might attain. I would never go back because to change one heartbeat might erase my now. I would never go back because I wouldn't want to ever be that unsafe and unloved again. If I had to, though, I would live through every breath of pain and struggle all over again not to miss out on the last thirty two years of unparalleled love and loyalty, and the only true joys I've ever known with my husband and my created family.