IKJWYM. I have a similar relationship with on of my two surviving sisters. She seems to want to build a relationship, but I cannot but help keep her at arms distance. I'm leery of all my kin. It is expecially hard when you're ill.

Back in 2018, during a medical crisis, I felt orphaned. I didn't want them there. At the same time, I felt abandoned that they weren't there. I also felt relief I didn't have to struggle through my illness under the stress they inevitably cause in me. It's really kind of a surreal melange of emotions.