My son, who is not-white-enough for real, died-in-the-wool-racists, frequently quotes a racism scholar (whose name I cannot recall), "Everyone is racist." My son qualifies that with, "Or at least, everyone's gonna say or act some way that feels racist by a person hurt by it."

I hate to admit it, but I think that's right. I say, no one gets the right to decide how their words makes another person feel. Women have been told all our lives how we should feel about skeezy words and actions inflicted upon us by sexists and misogynists: We should be flattered by the wolf whistles and lewd "compliments" flung at us on the street.

I believe it is incumbent upon us all to recognize when we cause hurt or discomfort and to educate ourselves and do better – beginning with an apology and an attempt at making amends. If somone does that, then I agree that "the term racist does not have to carry a life sentence."