Or, when "exactly as they are" harms you or those most dear to you, walk away. It won't be easy. You probably won't ever be able to do it 100%. But, you will need to find a space between you and harmful "exactly as they are" person. Much as I was always hurt all my life, I didn't find the strength to lock it off for my own well being. It took me too long… it took me until I saw the harm to my husband and son. Try to find your own space away from that in your own well being before someone else's well being is hurt by it.