Even in its tragedy, your poem is beautiful!

Perhaps you feel her still near you, walking with you through you life. Maybe that's why you spent so many years singing and talking to her when you were "alone." I've often felt the presences of close loved ones, like my sweet great grandma Mary and my dearest Gran or my much loved grandpa Jack. These were the people who made my childhood survivable – I truly believe they are why I kept living.

Don't get me wrong… I never tried or contemplated trying to kill myself. But, most of the time, I didn't want to live. My grandma Mary was the sweetest and kindest person; she was so loving and undemanding. My Gran gave me an every summer escape from a bad family situation. And, my grandpa Jack was the kindest and wisest man I'd ever known until I met my husband.

Grandma Mary died when I was nine; but I've often felt her near. Sometimes, I'd get a whiff of that buttery-cinnamony warm scent of her… and no baking would be anywhere near me. Or, I'd feel I could almost hear her gentle voice encouraging me to kindness. I can still close my eyes and feel she's holding me on her lap as she did when I was small.

I lost my grandpa Jack in 2008. I still hear his words of wisdom come to me now. As I'm writing this, I can hear his infectious laugh and smell his cologne. I lost my Gran the following Spring. I often hear her words of encouragement as I go about my days. I feel her pride for my son and that she's looking out for him as she did for me.

I make them part of my days. They taught me loyalty and love. I feel them there and I know they would want to be part of my life and to celebrate my joys.

As much as you feel your friend still near you… Would she want you to keep yourself walled off from the joys of friendship? If she is with you, wouldn't you like to celebrate your life, your joys, and new friends with her? Wouldn't that honor her life and friendship?