This was the case for us. We had one child, but could not have another; we wanted more children and I had always wanted to adopt at least two children. We soon discovered we could never even qualify for adoption because we couldn't afford private adoption and the state didn't even work toward adoption. Even fostering is privatized.

It was made clear to us that fostering was not a path to adoption, that most fosterers cared for several children before one might be considered for adoption – even then, it would be a long shot. And, when fostered children who are reunited with their families, or adopted by someone who works the system better, all contact with the foster family is usually completely severed.

In the end, we decided we couldn't bring children into our young son's life as siblings, only to have them taken away again forever. It actually broke our hearts. We had been aiming to adopt a children, between five and seven years old (our own son was five at the time). We were ready and willing to even adopt up to three siblings if it meant keeping a family of children together. We knew older children or groups of siblings were unlikely to ever be adopted out of the foster system and would keep going around and around, bouncing between being "reunited with family" and landing back in care. We were still discouraged at every turn.

We were never able to adopt.