You left out using the same old tired pictures from Unsplash that everyone uses. Or, really poor quality snaps of no interest to anyone — not even the people in the snaps. And, put it smack at the top before even the title block. Make sure it's an extremely tall picture so that you have to scroll down two or three times to get to the title block. Then, put a bunch of vanilla-assed crap images every couple of lines throughout the piece to really break up the flow of the copy.

Oh, and put every single fucking sentence on a paragraph/line all its own. And, repeat yourself ad nauseam. Pepper that shit with superfluous and weird 3rd person omniscient AI-style setup phrases.

Then, get pissed off and snark at someone who tries to private message you with even a single editorial correction. Blast them into the eternal void by reporting them for who knows what and block them.